Everybody wants to be successful, and success varies in lots of ways depending on the person. Understanding yourself, and yourself, compared to others, goes a long way to achieve goals and get results you want. There will be people who say they have no interest in success. That’s their choice.
Knowing yourself and understanding others is an essential part of effective communication. Let’s take a look at what is meant by this.
“Try not to become a man of success. Rather become a man of value.” Albert Einstein
“Success is not final; failure is not fatal: It is the courage to continue that counts” Winston S. Churchill
“There are two types of people who will tell you that you cannot make a difference
in this world: those who are afraid to try and those who are afraid you will succeed.” Ray Goforth
“Success seems to be connected with action. Successful people keep moving.
They make mistakes, but they don’t quit.” Conrad Hilton
Life is a series of goals. A goal is something you want to achieve. You can call them what you want, such as, objectives, ambitions, destinations, targets, aspirations, aims, etc. Everybody has goals, and they can be conscious, subconscious, and even designed to prevent success.
All Humans are Unique but have similar Traits
People are human, and we all have comparable feelings and emotions. Every person is unique and it’s important to acknowledge this because despite being similar, no two people are identical, including twins. Everybody hears communication according to who they are, and this is what causes issues. This disparity also means people have different concepts of success and what it takes to achieve goals.
Communication for most people is automatic because it comes from the subconscious. The same applies to listening because we interpret through our subconscious.
People who develop effective communication skills are more aware of what they are saying. They also tend to be better listeners. Good communicators achieve goals a lot easier because they tend to be more confident.
Whenever you interact with people, and even your pet, it’s always the same you.
It doesn’t matter who it is because you have a communication style that is you. It’s one of the ways people recognise you.
You can develop this communication and listening skill to adapt to every situation.
If you want to improve the outcomes of your communication, you must start with yourself. When you learn about yourself, you automatically learn about all the other different personality types.
Every time you communicate with someone, at any level, know you want something, whether it’s a conscious or subconscious need. You have a desired outcome, and that desire can sometimes be subliminal.
It may sound mad, but sometimes you don’t know you want something OR you don’t know what you want! Problems occur when you don’t get the outcome you want, whether you’re conscious of that desire or not. What you do know is that you didn’t get the result you thought you wanted.
How you respond to this failure dictates your next action. The more self-aware you are, the more options you have when choosing subsequent actions. Imagine the difficulty when you have an outcome that you didn’t know you wanted in the first place.
Communication can be very Complicated
It gets complicated. If you want to improve the outcome of your interactions and get better results, you must start with yourself. Learn how others experience you and how you experience others.
Achieve Goals – Know Yourself
The essential first step is learning about yourself and what makes you tick. This is so important, and it can’t be understated. Learn what lights you up and what upsets you.
It would be great if this happened with our initial caregivers and was continued throughout our school life. Sadly, this is an opportunity that is totally wasted for many of us. During my lifetime this has got worse because of the need for women to earn an income. I can understand women want a career too, but it is at the expense of bringing up their children.
Everybody deserves to learn their natural talents and personality style. I suspect many never learn them.
What I do know, is people benefit from learning to understand themselves. Unfortunately, this is rarely at home these days, and we fail children badly at school. It’s all very well teaching children how to survive, at school, but they must also learn to understand themselves.
Society suffers in a lot of ways because we don’t have a good record for the way we bring up children and educate them. The cost of neglecting children in the long term is enormous as they get older. The damage this causes is impossible to calculate, mainly because it isn’t measured.
There is nothing like now
It’s never too late to start. It may be harder to change habits that have been developed over years, but not impossible. There’s so much information to help us learn, freely available on the internet. There are also plenty of free tests that can tell you a lot about your type and other types. There is also a huge industry full of people who want to help us change. Now is the time and it’s a choice you can make immediately.
You are a personality type, but what does this mean? It implies that you fit into one of four psychological classifications. They are not 100% accurate partly because we are very complex beings. We know they provide a strong indication of our natural behaviour.
Our personality type is the style that drives us. It’s the one that dominates our personality.
The first reference to personality types is Hippocrates around 300 BC. He developed the theory of the four humors.
In his book, Psychological Types, Carl Jung introduced us to four psychological types. They are the most commonly used today.
Carl Jung also introduced us to the concept of introversion and extroversion.
The four main psychological types, now known as personality types, are Sanguine, Choleric, Melancholic and Phlegmatic. You will find other derivations of these four types based on these four.
There is value in knowing your personality type. While learning about your type, you learn about all four types. This knowledge enables you to communicate more effectively with the other types.
If you want to discover more about yourself, then identify your personality type.
Your personality type is the one that dominates your behaviour. You also have elements of the other types. In stressful situations, you fall back onto your dominant behavioural personality.
Courses and Workshops – Understanding Self
There are many courses available on a million and one topics to help you learn about the different types. It’s unwise to think you can do it all on your own and self-help books only take you so far. Trying new experiences is always valuable.
The more you learn strengthens your ability to achieve the results you want. It takes lots of practice and patience. It’s possible to increase your understanding from every interaction. When you take the time to examine what did or didn’t work, you rapidly improve your communication. This leads to more successful outcomes.
It’s a big mistake to believe you can get the result you want every time. You will always encounter difficult situations! When you do, never shut the door completely. Give people a positive way out of any problematic situation. It’s not always easy, but it’s possible, and it doesn’t mean someone has to lose.
It’s possible to get an acceptable outcome most of the time. The result may not be perfect and doesn’t have to be. There is value in considering how you would react if you were the other person. Tends to make you more respectful. There’s something to learn from every experience.
Achieve Goals – Understand Others
Other people are like you. They have a dominant personality type, and feelings and emotions too. They also want something, whether they’re conscious of it or not. In a way, people are like robots: they always respond in the same way in certain situations.
Observe this for yourself. Watch people attentively every time you speak to them and listen to their responses. Humans can’t help communicating the way they always do because they’re human. This is how they’ve developed over many years. Every person is unique, and whatever anybody says is what they believe at that moment. People change their view when they can relate to what they hear, and it makes sense.
Knowing people are unique helps us choose how we communicate with them. Their appearance, voice, tone, words, body language and eyes are all cues telling you who they are. You use what you observe to identify ways to communicate with them. You can continuously develop this skill because there is always more to learn.
Healthy Listening is Essential
Listening is a skill which is declining. Facebook is a great place to observe how people don’t listen that well.
You can learn how to communicate with the other personality types.
None of this is of any use if you are unable to interpret what you heard in the way the communicator intended.
Some people speak but don’t realise what their words said. This often causes breakdowns.
It’s easier when you know how to communicate with each personality type.
The outcomes are a lot more positive. When you’re not on the same page, then communication is potluck or even impossible.
Your aim is to get them on the same page. Using body language and eye contact are all clues that let them know you are listening.
Listening is the most critical part of any interaction. It means listening to yourself and listening to the other person or people. Only then can you increase the odds of achieving the results you want.
Listening is a great skill to have and it’s easy to learn. Practical exercises and practice is best.
I repeat – I mean listening to yourself as well as others. How you listen to yourself is vital because it dictates your next communication.
Conclusion – Achieve Goals
Everybody wants to be successful in some way. Communication is a great skill to help you achieve your goals.
It’s essential to know how you respond or react to any communication, in particular, when your emotions are triggered. Feelings can inhibit the effectiveness of any conversation.
If you or the listener are not on the same page as each other, then any communication is likely to fail.
Don’t expect your desired outcome from every communication. When communication does go wrong, it’s possible to learn from the interaction. What you learn increases your ability to produce more desired outcomes.
It’s essential to understand yourself. It’s key to develop your listening skills. Identify your personality type and learn how people experience you.
One way to learn is interacting with other people. Grab every opportunity to learn. Your level of expertise is bound to increase.
You can learn if you are successful and if your communication is improving from other people and their feedback.
Note – Understanding Self
The emotion that causes most problems with communication is anger. When anybody gets angry, they’re essentially asking, “what about me?” When you get angry, ask yourself, “why am I angry?” If the other person or persons’ are angry, ask yourself, “Why are they angry?”
The answers will help you work through the anger – because there is rarely successful outcome to your communication before the anger has dispersed.